your my escape through all that's troubling me

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 14:25:03 GMT

guess whose back, back again - karissas back, tell a friend.

i havent updated since freshman year, and look here - i'm a fuckin senior.
i can't believe how much time has passed. so many things have happened that i'm not even sure where to start.

upon the last entry i mentioned my poppy. well, since then he had passed away.
just days before my birthday. it was really the hardest thing. it's been a year
that he's gone. i miss him and my grandma like crazy. oh what i would do to have
them back in my life. about 2 years ago, my dad just left. without a word - reall
fucking great right? well, havent seen him or talked to him. recently he decided
to text me and all that, thinking i'll accept him back. SERIOUSLY? REALLY? ARE
YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? how could he be so stupid. he hurt me so bad and thinks
i'll easily let him back in my life. no, not happening. and people wonder why i
have such trust issues. on the bright side, everything else is going well. it's
summer and i spend everyday relaxing and hanging out with my friends. i love my girlssss.
oh and not to mention, i have someone new in my life too <3 Jerry. he's a good
boyfriend, he treats me well and makes me smile everyday :) He's taking me to Mayhem. it's a rock festival. i'm not too into that type of music, but i'm willing to sit through 10 hours of it for him.

i'm glad i decided to update life on my LJ. i feel so much better when i get things
off my mind. thanks for always being there livejournal ! i'm done for now, but i promise
i'll be back soon and not in 4 years.

` yours till the sun don't shine <3
MiLLER [ or as my friends like to say KMILL HOLLAAAA ]

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 15:50:46 GMT

okayyy soooo - from the floor to the top of my matress is a 27inch difference.! OHH SNAPPP. yea , my new bed is reallly high up . but i like it alot. even if i have to like roll on it to get up. [ my dogs even need doggy steps.. lmaoo ] anywaysss ; im in bed right now cuz its comfy and high up and i feel like a princess.we're havign a surprise party for my poppy.. hahaha ! its gonna be funny cuz he doesnt expect a thing , at all.i have to soon get ready for that , butt yaa. my sister was like were gonna go early -- vand run an alcoholic tab on mommys bill and gona get you drunk. i was like LETS GO ! haha i love my sister ; shes great. but ya , i dont know what to wear - its a nice resturaunt.. maybe i can dress up ! TAHTS ALWAYSSS FUNNNNN. ahha. well, hmm - i have something to do for homework , but i wont do it until like 10 tonight , just cuz thats how i roll. butt yaaa i hope today is better then yesterday cuz yesterday i did NOTHING. and was in a bad mood. okayy welll , i didnt get to accomplish what i wanted to do this weekend, i gues it'll have to wait. im gona go now..

<3 yours till marilyn monroe wasnt the biggest sex symbol of the 50's =)

MILLLERRRRRRRRRRR

PS. i like youuu =X

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 17:26:00 GMT

ugh , so im laying in bed - wondering how hot it is outside. but who knows. idk if i wanna get outta bed. last night i went o my aunts for my uncles birthday. it was suppose to be a surrpise but he ruined it lolll. it was still fun though !!!

ughh - i have butterflies right about now. i wish i could take my own advice i give to other people. but i can't. stupiddddd. i seem to be not as strong as i come, because if i was - i woulda told someone something by now. i mean im always tellin people how to start the convo off , but some how i just cant. itd be easier if he mentioned something. buttt whateverrrr..

i wonder where my bestfriend is . shes like MIA. my mom too - but i think shes just at work. speakin of my mom ; shes like " you should skip school next week and we can go do something " im like SCOREEEEE . haha =)

well im going to go now. i guess ill update later if anything amazing seems to happen. PEACEE OUTTT MY LJ LOVERS =)

<333 MILLLLERR =)

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 16:49:03 GMT

justt a poem for today =)

I Can't Promise You
i want to tell you that i can be your best
i have things to offer but yet,
just things i can't always promise.
i cant promise you that i'll be perfect,
but i can tell you that i'll always try.
i wont promise that we'll last forever, for
i do not hole the future in my own hands.
i cant promise to always smile , but i
promise i will always try , for life sometimes
brings people saddness.
and for sunshine , that i can not promise,
because life sometimes brings rain.
i cant promise i'll always stay strong,
but i promise to try ,
because i want to be your backbone, your bestfriend,
and last of all - i want to be your one <3

as for the poem - i kinda wanted to say this stuff to someone,
maybe they'd get a hint - but i got too nervous to let them know..

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 01:25:06 GMT

so heres my story from the rest of my vacationnnn.
actually, i dont remember what happened everyday but i do remember some highlights =)
lets just say i spent it all with jordan. she like barely left my sidee !! but its not like i mind because i love her anywaysss. soo i member me and felicia spent good times together planning stephs surprise party which happened friday . it was AMAZING. it couldnt have gone smoother at all. alot of people were there - like 45-50 ? idk butt it was amazingly funn . i changed my outfit a couple different times , haha. andd let's just say five boysin girls clothes dancing together makes a priceless videooo !! haha i love those boys =) and the past weekend - i got a pedicure with my stepmom ; and went shopping with herr. and sunday -- i shot my gun alll day. it was beautiful outside too. it has been really hot out lately and i LOVE it. i tried getting some color, it didn't work muchhh. ohh well , i know. im back to school and im ready for another day off ;] today emily came over and i kicked her butt in guitar hero and crash bandicoot racing [ dude , i like overlapped herr !!! ] . haha. and thursday is my grandfathers birthday . hes gonna be 75 =) . i love him , its hard to see him sturggle everyday. it kills me , i'd rather it be me ....

` yours till cancer wont hurt you majorily..

</3 MiLLERRRR

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 04:29:18 GMT

oh and did i mentioned ; me and jordan were mooned like 4 times ?
( thanks kemp ) lmao.

OHHH ANDDD ; THIS VACATION - IS GONNA BEE "BOOMBANGIN" =)

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 03:56:24 GMT

OKAYYYY SOOOOO ; today wasnt a let down. butt lets start with last night though =)

LAST NiGHT : me , jord and tree went walking. it was SOO funn =) we walked all aroundd the neighbor hood. we played at tuttle . lol it wa slike 930/ 10 andd we are playing on the jungle gym. it was COLD. butt we stuck it out lol. i came home and they hadd to leave soo i made a massive ice cream sundae. i was craving it =)

TONiGHT : welllll, i was home all alone today . boring i knoww. butt i messed around with my hair. i put curlers in it likea little old lady . it was madd funny. thennn yanno dinner came and jordan came overr. we chilled. got bored. looked through the closet ;] then went for a walk. we walked to cohens' house where all the boys were. we left them went to tuttle. we played there for a while [ we like that place. .. ] . we picked up sticks - mine was bigger =) we banged them on a sign .. mine made the signmake a louder noise. WOW THAT SOUNDS NAUGHTY. lmfao. ANYWAYSSS, we walked back and hung with the boysss [ brandon ; jimm ; cohens ; daveee ; alan ; joe and some little kiddd. . .] andd played manhunt with them. kinda - we just stuck with whatever team that was lookin for eachother. lol. it was fun ; im not gonna lie. i love our boys =)
especially you brand ;] lol.

okayyyyyyy sooo - tomorrow ; i really HOPEEE its nice out tomorrow. cuz if it is my moms going away for the day . YESSS ! i wanna go see disturbia. i heard its really good. soooo im in for a nice scare =)
butt im gonna go now.. this one is pretty long. PCEEEE

` yours till jordan isnt obessed with tuttle ;]
( haha jordd !!! )

-- MiLLERRRRR _X0

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 00:06:41 GMT

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT!! first night of vacation .. anddd i took a napp & just woke upp. im waiting forr jordan and treetreeeeee to come over =) tonight willll be mad fun and i know it.
well , heres a poem :
* can't promise youu *
i want to tell you that i have things
to offer but i just cant promise. i cant
promise you that i'll be perfect , but
i can promise i will try to be everything
you want me to be. i wont promise you
forever for i do not hvae fate in the palms
of my hands. i promise to always try & smile
but life sometimes gives me a reason not to.
i cant promise you sunshine , but it wouldnt
work because there is sometimes rain.
i cant promise i'll always stay strong, but
i want to be your backbone , your bestfriend
and most of all , the one you love <3

OHH MANNNNN ; HERES ANOTHERR =)

*invisible*

i feel invisible to you - like you just dont care.
my feelings are true ,
but its like you threw - all of the to the side
its breaking my heart ; oh boy your tearing me apart
i dont know what to do ,
i feel like such a fool - waiting around for you
like theres nothing else to do , then to watch
my heartbreak and my world fall apart.

yaa i made those. =) well ill be back lataaa bitchh

` yours till carolya isn't a crayon company =)
MiLLERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR_X0

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 00:18:08 GMT

soo theres this girl . who ive been bestest friends with since we came out of our mothers. we grew up together , andd i know we'll always be bestfriends. i loveeeee her to death ! and she loves me. we're always together. andd do you know how proud i am of her ? well , you don't . im proud of her amazing softball skills & how shes on varsity most of the time. i love her craziness . it fits just with mine. we shop together , eat maddd food together and trash people =) we watch movies and have fun. i dye her hair , but i never had her do mine. but thats okay . we get pedicures done together and text eachother whenever we arent together , like in school. overall , shes just amazingggg. her name is ashley marie borchert. and i , karissa lee miller - loves her !

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 22:34:11 GMT

okayy soo today went niceee =)

school was good , i cnt really complain.
afterschool , that was good too =) fee came overr anddd we chilled. we decided thatt we were real hungry so we walked to slapshot. on the way theree we got jacquie and went. it was realy good. it was the first time i ever had anything from it. even after that me and fee ate MORE . but only candy lmao... we have eating in common ;] haha; anyways i've been writing poems alot latelyyy anddd im gonna need a new poem book soon ! lol . i'll post a poem later , after i clean my room. i have a bruise on my thigh =/ it HURTS. lol. so right now im just chillin ... talkin to the besttt ; jorddieee pordieee ( hahahhahaa ) ; stephiee and; brandddonnn =) i love them all . hehe ;]~ i'm awaiting my new matresss ! ughhh . lol . well imma goo .. ill be back later ; i promiseee !!!

` yours till slapshot isnt a hockey term.
<3 MILLERRR _ X0

ps - GOOD JOB JORD. PROUDDDDD OFF YOUU WOOEY !

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 01:24:50 GMT

my dad wants to move to flordia. what do i say to that ?
do i let him ? idk . its confusing. i guess i'll figure
it out soon.

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:07:15 GMT

so i've came to the conclusion that us teenage girls are pretty much all the same.
we mess with our hair way to often , boys confuse the hell outta us because most of them are stupid, we are concious about our weight , makeup is a must , we get along with our moms more then our dad's but still are always daddys little girls. we go to school just to talk and write notes to our friends and to online come home and calll them or go online. go figure. everyone says they are different. but we really arent. (c) MEE !! KMILLERRRR -- lmao.

okayy soooo ; school was gay . thank god only two days left till VACAYYY BITCHES. okay well , i came home and played guitar hero most of the time. thennn i went on the computer. then guitar hero again .. basically it. thennn it was about dinner time and i cooked dinner for my step dad and me since my mom works nights on mondays and tuesdays. imma good cook, i had it hot and ready for him on the table as soon as he walked in the door. wowww imma be a good wife aint it ? hahah =) i really hope we had no homework today because i didnt bother checking and actually doing it. we have advisory tomorrow. YUCKKK.but imma wear jeanss =) OHH ANDD I CUT MY HAIR . i think its pretty short. which it is. computer clas shadda write a two page essay bout ourselfs.. i wrote afour page essay about myself =) yaaa lmao may sound conceited but im not, just confident. wow i really am a quote whore.. im so bored. im home all alone. my butt hurts from sitting on the ground wayyyyy tooo long. but im too lazy to move. guess ill just sit here. yaa go me ;] haha. wellll i think i wrote enough for today

` yours till waiting for *him* is like waiting for rain in a droubt =X
---- MiLLERRRRR X0 <3

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 03:09:39 GMT

an old poem ; still explains my feelings

THE MiRROR GiRL

standing in my mirror - watching the girl i see
i look into her eyes & realize she just wants
to cry, let it all out - all her pain she's
kept inside. . .
she`s weeping away but , theres just nothing i
can do because, i know how she's feeling.
and i know i seen her before - maybe with a
slight smile and some days with tears , her eyes
they look familiar. everything about her does.
as she cries and now i truely see , that shes
no ordinary girl - shes actually me

yes, i wrote this.

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 02:26:28 GMT

i took when of my grandma's old sweatshirts.
it still smells like her. i miss her =(

enough said for this entry </3 ` yours till i stop crying - MiLLERRRR *

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:10:46 GMT

i do not post these entrys for people to write what the hel they think on my crap. i write it because i have alot of things i need to get out. so people should mind there freakin business =)

kthanks =)

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:07:24 GMT

ohh yaa - i got a new bed =)
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 03:52:19 GMT

ive come to a conclusion
that my heart is breaking
oh what to do ? i sit and wonder
why do i like him ? oh he will
nevr know. its too badd too see
a love that is being wasted ; never
given a shot. if he can only see,
that he can belong to me <3

okayy - soo just a quote lil poem or quote thingy whatever that i made upp =)
boys confuse me. they really do. but idc anymore. all i need is my friends and my mom and im good =) im real bored right now , theres nothing to do. sister hood of the traveling pants is commin on and im excited. i likeeee that movie MUCHO GRANDE ! lol. yes did anyone know i speak fluent spanish ? yaa sooo - tonight was good with jordann. i had to hide the lil kids plastic eggs with coins in them from the ' easter bunny " haha. thought that is funny. i cnt wait for april vacation . i really hate school - no one knows. lol. easters tomororw and my uncles commin over. this should be interesting with him and my dad. they havent been talkin lol.. ohh welll right. im real excited for my sisters wedding. even though its in a year and half. we went dress shopping . and it wa sfun .. im the maid of honor, cnt get better then that . we've grown real close and im real happy bout that cuz of our nine year age difference. but yaaaaa.. i gotta go though . . . my moive is on =)

` yours tilll easter isnt on a sunday * =)
<3 alwayssssss MiLLERRRRRR

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 02:02:40 GMT

soo its 945 - im at my padres for the weekend anddd its currently saturday night.
i'm with jordiee pordieee =) my one and only wooey . we're bored. i made rooootbeer floats. they were yummy. tomorrows easter and i got another guitar for guitar hero. SCOREE. pretty exciting. i didnt get to be with someone this weekend. kinda sad OH WELLLLLLL. boys are stupid most of the time anyway. lolll i went shopping like normal on saturdays . i love shopping and tonight feels like its DRAGGGGINGG on . ohh welll. imm gonow ill update later. pceee nukkkkaasss =)

` yours till harley davidson doesnt sell motorcycles =)
<3 MiLLER_X0

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 04:11:07 GMT

i'm sitting here -
on my couch ; wondering
if your out and about.
its 12:07 , but it doesnt
seem too late. where can
you be ? i wish we were on
a date. maybe something along
those lines. i just want to be
with you. i've come to a
conclusion ; that i'm falling
harder for you. what can i do?
it's not totally my fault that
your smile makes me melt.
i had felt ,
what makes my knees go weak.
it's what you do to me - that
makes my crazy . what to do?
oh what to do . . i sit here
and ask my self that question.
will you ever like me ? do you
like me? why can't you share your
feelings. i wish you would =/
. . . i like you <3

-- just a poem on how i feel ; thinking bout a boy whose sincere <3

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 21:06:46 GMT

okay sooooo - its april fifth ; andd its a three day weekend. im pretty excited. nottt gonnnna lie !! im cutting my hair tonight =) two inches or 1 and like a half off. will be short i think. ohh welll lol i want it like thatt. girls night with felicia and stephiee. real excited !! im so bored right now though. if you could see the way im holdiong my laptop; youd all prolly laugh at me. my dogs on my lap soo i put the computer resting on my boobs. like a table i guess since they get inthe wayyy lmao.
i'm tired & cold. i have a headach too. my moms got a new job andd it makes me sad because im left without her monday and tuesday nights =/ butt on the brightside my sister is getting married and im totallllllyyy excited. maid of honor. cheyyaaa ;]
but to be back on the down side, ive been pretty upset lately. no one understands me at all. my poppy has cancer and we've recently found out its like up to two years at the most he has left. or soemthing like that. it hurts me really bad insdie most of all because i just lost my grandma. i miss her so much . i cry everynight/day. people think im so strong. but really no one knows what i go through inside. i seem to bottle up my feelings , yanno ? but idk sometimes i just cant tell people. its really tough on someone who jsut grown so close with him. really , it is.

*why*
i feel my heart inside me,
its breaking without ease.
why did this have to happen?
to someone like me . .
a girl with so much pain ,
never looked so happy.
but people really know,
its called hiding.
i hide my feelings deep down
inside. i put up barbwire along my
heart - so no one can break me
but it's a sickness , a mental
illness .
its getting to me the most and
i don't even have the disease.
why did this have to happen ?
why do i have to loose him ?
did i do anything to deserve this?
its like a hit , and a miss.
it's just killin me that no one
could answer my one little question
. . . why must this happen ?

ohh yaa -- did you know i was a poet?
im out - pcee
` yours till dora isnt spanish =)

<3 always MiLLERRRR - X0

im feeling yummy head to toeeee

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:14:55 GMT

heyyyy ! its monday and its 5 pm . i'm bored and just got done working on my fittness ;] im on this new goal to loose 30 pounds by june 20th. i think i can do it =) well heres bout my weekend : friday night was mad fun with my family ! me and my sister beat my mom and stepbrother at a snow ball fight ( we locked them out ) haha. and i think my mom was drunk . she had alot to drink that night. it was SO funny!! so my sister slept over and we looked at wedding dresses and wedding places. i enjoyed spenidn time with her , cuz i never really get to. soo saturday was the hockey game. i painted my WHOLE face. ya bluea dn gold babby !! "we all know - mustangs blowww " ahha love the cheers. but our boys lost by one point =/ it really sucked. but i still love them !! and sunday -- well this kid , was suppose to come over but he couldnt soo i ended up watching the movie IT .. i had nightmares from it cuz im scared of clowns go figure. then i went to my sisters house and played monoply with gina and rich . i lost - hardcore =( lol. i watched the sixth sense last night while talking to louie =) lol we had a fun convo bout the movie. hehehee <3 ;] well , im gonna go noww . i'll update tomorrow !

` - - yours till you don't play hockey with a puck =)

_ MiLLERRR; X0

L0NGGG TiMMEEE - NO WRiTTEE

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 18:13:22 GMT

woahhh ! i'm back. i've always signed in here and posted on quotexwhore community but never in my own thing. so now im back ! alot of things have changed in my life and it's going pretty good. im in the high school now - freshman ; oh yay baby ;] today is a snoww day that i did NOT want . there was suppose to be the state D2 hockey game today but now its canceled. eeek =/ well , lets see - im SINGLE. YA BABY ! butt , i currrently am confused on two boys =X but , my friends ; always there for me . i love them to death and wouldn't knoww hat to do. my grandfather and i have become closer because of his sickness. he has cancer but i love my poppy and hope nothing bad happens. i basically hate school . i mean only some people in it =) my teachers are good except for computers & gym . i hate those classes. ugh ! i LOVE playing ps2 all the sudden. go figure. its snowing madd hard outside. i wanna go play in it - but theres no one to play with =/ i thinkkk imm gonna go watch sixteen candles - one of the greatest older movies ever made ! k , i'll be sure to update tonight - i PROMISE.

` yours till the cookie crumbles <3

-- MilLLER _ X0

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:01:48 GMT

IM BACKKKK =] yesss ; i havent updated. i've been busy with life. ya , so i dnt know my last entrie but we will start from like december.

december : my grandma died. i lost my best friend. she was my everything

january : my birthday ; it rocked ; i vgot a dog but shes gone now

febuary : valentines day was fun with my baby

march : my dad got married !! [ EW ; I WORE A DRESS =x ]

april : my one year with my boyfrined <3 & april vacation [ week off of school , which was pretty awsome ]

well , yea thats alot . i know. schools almost out. im nervous bout highschool. but i think ill manage everything perfectly. i still love my boyfinred. its been a coupe days after our one year. it was a good one too. just hanging out being chill with everyone. i promise this time to keep updating but right now its my grandfathers bday so i gotta go . byeee

<3 yours till the sun dnt shine

MiLLER_XOO

iiTS FRiDAYYYY NiGHTTT AND ii JUST JUST JUST GOT .....!

Sat, 04 Feb 2006 03:49:42 GMT

wow baby ; so much funn tonight.mmhmm I THINK SOOOO! PIDDLE PADDLE ; OHHH BABY. only nikki comes up with those words =]~ sooo tonight i seen bIg Mommas House two with NIkki ; jq and carissa. GIRLS NIGHT OUT yesss ! lol soo much fun. we sang to MEATLOAF. mm and i got M&ms but through all hte colored ones but brown away. yanno less artifiaclly color. lol. i love JQ'S mom . she was like BOYS WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS!! SO WATCH OUTT ALL BOYS ARE THE SAME. and i just laughedd and so did the rest. the movie was great .really funny. we were like AHHHH ITS EVERYWHERE WE GO EVEN ON THE MOVIE SCREEN! LMFAO. if you were either 4 of us ; youd know exactly what im talkin bout. but too bad if you dnt =] i havent had this much fun in sooo long. im glad we all ended up goin out together. well im gonna go now ; watch TV

` yours till Meatloaf dnt sing songs about guys trying to get into girls pants <3

HAHA
<3 always
MiLLERRR

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 00:59:16 GMT

UGHHHHHH . still aint toooo happy. but i guess everythings getting pretty much better. school was okay. even though i was kinda late. but the whole woke up late ; had nothin to wear ; no moose left so i hadda straighten my hair and rushh outta the house to get to school made everything worth it when i was rushing to get to my first period class and steve came over cuz he seen me and hugged me. that made everything that happened to me in the past 20 mins worth EVERYTHING . like seriously. my math midterm was good my teacher said. which im proud of. me and alyssa had fun making our spanish projecting & skipping 2nd perioddd =] lol haha. im sooo bored. but oh what the hell. im gionna go to QUOTE WHOREE =] byeee x0

` yours till milton didnt create hersey =]

<3 always
KARISSSAAA X000